Thursday, March 08, 2007

Bad Boy, Dog Toys


Take a look at this bad boy. Could be a female but I'm calling it a boy.

There’s a story behind this photo and it’s a bit embarrassing but I need to share it. While I’m writing this I’m laughing and analyzing my sanity.

This morning I attended a conference at a hotel in uptown Charlotte and on the way back to the office I saw a large, black blur of a bird to my left with its head buried in a carcass. My decision to pull over was made in a fraction of a second and I landed in a little ditch off the side of the road. It wasn’t a deep ditch but a ditch nonetheless. I knew I was safe. My 4WD SUV was leaning downwards to the right, so I had to sort of push the hatch open to slide out.

My navy pump fell off my right foot before I had both feet on the ground and it rolled under the car. Damn! On my hands and knees, off the side of the road (mental picture), I discovered that the shoe rolled down into the grassy ditch and I muttered, “bitch”.

With one shoe on and one shoe off, I climbed back into the car to move it forward enough to grab the shoe. While I was dusting off the bare foot, putting the shoe back on, and brushing the soil off my knees, I noticed two construction workers watching me across the street. Wearing their hardhats, reflective gear, and holding pipe in their hands, they stood motionless. Didn’t they have anything better to do? Were they concerned that I might be in trouble? Or were they laughing? I refused to glance that way again.

My dignity was in jeopardy, no doubt. So, I straightened my nice suit, dusted off a bit more, held my head high and proceeded to cross the street. But I had to make a u-turn because I forgot the damned camera. My coolness was sucked right out of me.

The big black blob was gone. But the carcass was there so I thought that bird might be somewhere watching me. I wandered around a bit without giving those two guys the satisfaction of my knowing they were watching me. I regret not taking their picture.

But I found the bird. Seeing a Black Vulcher fly away so near to me was incredible. I believe its wing span must have been four feet. He flew off directly into the sunlight and I lost it in the glare.

The embarrassment was worth it! But I wonder what those two men are talking about over dinner tonight…


The grocery store had a new display of summer toys so I picked up a few things for the dogs. Hula hoops, a bouncy Pooh ball, and some wonder bubbles.

I need to add that this grocery store chain bothers me. I agree with parking spaces designated for handicapped, but why on earth are there designated parking spaces for pregnant women, patrons with children, and grandparents? When I was pregnant, I walked the mile to the front entrance. And when I had a baby in the stroller, I walked the half mile in the rain. Why so many privileges these days? Do I sound a bit too nasty? I think not.


My girls love toys and must have them. Lots of them. When I held that ball up, they could hardly contain their excitement. Ready, set, GO!


Three seconds.


Seven seconds.


Chloe: “Why do you buy cheap balls?”


Bella: “Can we play b-b-bend the hula-hoop now?”

Fifty seconds of dog joy - $1.49. Not bad.


Sun setting from my front porch at 6:15 p.m. Days are getting longer!


dmmgmfm said...

What an incredible post, Mary. My afternoon has been utterly rotten, yet you had me laughing out loud. I loved the description of your photo-shoot and the dog pictures are priceless.

Thank you so much for brightening my day.

LauraHinNJ said...

You're too much Mary, but the photo was worth it - I hope!

Wonder what those construction guys were thinking. *Crazy bird-watchers!*

NatureWoman said...

Mary - ROFL!! Especially when I got to where you said "bitch" about your shoe!
So where do people that don't have any of those things park? Way out in east-bum f?
I *love* the photos of your girls!
Now I've gotten to know them I can tell who is who (sorry, it took me awhile).
LOL on the look after the ball was deflated!
Ohhhh, beautiful sunset Mary! I noticed it is staying lighter much longer now! Yay!

NatureWoman said...

Ohhh, and after all of your trouble, I love the photo of the bewd!!

Annie in Austin said...

Whether or not the hard hat guys laughed at you - all your blogging friends are laughing with you, Mary, Maybe your true calling is investigative journalism?? Nothing gets in the way of reporting the story!!

And the wingspans of vultures are astonishing. I used to see them sunning on the roof of the house next door.

Annie at the Transplantable Rose

Susan Gets Native said...

I LOVE your storytelling. And calling your shoe a "bitch". Oh MY GOD!

*Did anyone notice that Pam said "east-bum f"?
I agree with the parking thing, to a point, Mary. I only used the "expectant mother" spots when I was in my 9th month and carrying a reluctant 2-year old. I take my breaks where I can get 'em.

You crack me the HELL up!

Anonymous said...

This is a great post, Mary. I would have liked to have been there watching you capture the vulture shot! It is very good, by the way.
Your girls can wreck things faster than my grandsons. They looked like they were having fun, though.

Ruth said...

Mary, I would love to be following you all day, taking the pictures you cannot take of yourself. Mind you, your descriptions are not hard to visualize, but still, it would be fun for one day.

Jayne said...

Oh Mary, you so crack me up!! I had the visual totally.... lolololol.
Beautiful end to the day with the sunset, and YES! the days are getting longer. Yehawwww!

dguzman said...

Oh my gosh, you and I do the same frantic pullovers onto the shoulder at 65mph. I did it the other day in front of a cop! And then the owl was gone, for pete's sake! The cop came over and asked me if I was okay--he thought I was having a heart attack--I told him I was just trying to get a shot of that owl....

KGMom said...

Mary, your post is hilarious. Beyond funny!
And buying toys for the girls, oh yeah. It is most amusing that they like hula hoops.
As for the men watching you go through your antics, who knows what they are thinking.
I agree with Ruth--following you around would be be most amusing. Exhausting, too.

Mary said...

Hi all - I went through all of that trouble for a VULCHER when I thought it might be an eagle...

Haven't we all been on a hot bird path before??? Huh? Birds don't come to you so you need to go to them! Shoes or no shoes.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mare, Got one question for you...was the suit a PANTS suit or a SKIRT??? If it was the later we KNOW what the construction workers were checking out and it wasn't your shoe, camera or the vulture!!!LMAO!!!!!

Lynne at Hasty Brook said...

Mary- You need to have a "too funny" warning at the beginning of your posts. I read this last night after work at around 1:30AM. LOL, ROFL, LMAO!! I woke up Art with my laughing! (he was not amused) You are a top notch story teller.
Tears squirted out of my eyes laughing! Really- and then I got to the funny comments...

Beth said...

Very, very funny...I needed a good laugh!

I love the shot of the dog after the ball was destroyed. Absolutely priceless.

My life doesn't seem quite so crazy when I get a glimpse into yours!!!!!

Cathy said...

Oh yeah - the day's lengthen, the sun returns! Beautiful picture!
I had to read this post to my husband. Lordy, I've just about ended up in similar situations 'birding' from the car. Maybe we should put warning stickers in our car's rear window. You WERE close to that inelegant, but fascinating bird.
Those reserved spaces in parking lots may explain my thinning hair.
I guess spoiling dogs is about the 'funnest' thing I ever did. I miss them so much. You can't put a price on the joy it brings you and the pups.
(Next time get a picture of the construction workers if they're hunky;0)

dmmgmfm said...

I had to come back and re-read this post. It made me howl again. You are too funny.

As an aside, I agree with Cathy. A hot construction worker photo would go a long way toward brightening my day. Just sayin ;-)

NatureWoman said...

I had to come back for another howl, too, Mary! And to read the comments. Yes Susan, that Pam has such a potty mouth, doesn't she? You should have heard the f bombs she let loose last night at midnight when a friend called to tell her something bad that happened to him.
Mary, I was wondering if the suit was a pants or a skirt, too. Inquiring minds want to know Mary!

Mary said...

Hey Laurie and Cathy, if I weren't feeling self conscienous and haughty, I would have put a full zoom on them. I think this was the most embarrassing birding adventure I've had...all for a vulcher. If I could have offered a photo of a couple of hunky hotties on this post, it would have been the best post of all! Maybe next summer when they are wearing a hard hat and no shirt (wink)...

Mary said...

Potty Mouth Pam and Jane,

Pants. If I were wearing a skirt, I would have aborted the mission and driven away without a shoe on my right foot. Or maybe I would have felt *spunky* and throw caution to the wind...

By the time I had to turn around in the middle of the road to retrieve my camera, I felt like such an IDIOT!!!!

Mary said...

Added embarrassment: I know how to spell vulture. Why did I consistently spell it "vulcher"? I need a vacation!

Anonymous said...

Sorry Mary! Just had to laugh at your finding and trying to capture those pictures of the Black Vulture! Keep us smiling for sure! PS: The balls wouldn't be fun if you couldn't destory them!

Mary said...

Mon@rch, thanks for your note. I love hearing from you.

More added embarrassment: Not only did I consistently have "vulcher" vs. "vulture" permanently etched in my brain, I spelled "self-conscious" incorrectly. I'm defeated. Do I need to resort to using the spell-check tool? I need a 7-day weekend.

NatureWoman said...

A seven-day weekend would be great, wouldn't it Mary!

Well, there's certain words I can't get right, like raptor - I always spell it rapture! LOL!

Susan said...

I'm so glad you commented on my blog because it led me to your wonderful blog!