Thursday, April 05, 2007

Customer Service, then Advil

Fed Ex

Could this plane be carrying a package for me?

The saga continues. My dead remote mouse and keyboard are still collecting dust.

March 24: Dell technician makes the decision to replace both parts and sends a follow-up e-mail outlining the plan.

March 26: Dell leaves a recorded message on our answering machine stating the parts will ship in one to two days and apologized for the delay.

April 2: No delivery. I call Dell from work. The computerized voice at the other end is asking me numerous questions that don’t even apply to my case and waiting for me to give answers I don’t have, so I fake answers.

My stewing began after wasting ten minutes without talking anyone. The first technician I spoke with was sweet and cheery but unfortunately, she needed to transfer me to the Parts technicians. I waited and listened to a recorded message suggesting I get on line and visit and get quick and easy responses to questions within six hours on their chat line. I also listened to suggestions for computer upgrades, adding peripherals, and all sorts of stuff I could purchase to enhance my system but I didn’t give a rat’s ass about buying anything new and I didn’t want a chat line! I wanted someone on the phone line to tell me when my stuff will be delivered. That’s all I wanted!

Ten minutes pass. I’m still conducting business, e-mails, etc. and waiting…stewing. Steam rising from my scalp. Ordinarily, I would have just hung up and tried another time but I had this rage thing going on…

Finally, a technician (dialogue, nearly verbatim),

“Welcalm do DELL. I am Williom. How canna help you dooday?”

This guy spoke loudly, slowly, and deliberately. I don’t even think he had a foreign accent – it sounded more like a speech impediment. Oh, this is great, I thought.

I gave him my case number and a few other numbers he asked for and he was so pleased,

“Well, Maury, tank you for providing doze numbers. How do you pronounce your name? I am sorry bud I am not vera good with names.”

Me: Mary.


Me: No, Mary. Like, Mary had a little lamb. [my eyes rolling]

“And ess your last name Furanchi?”

Me: Ferracci. It’s pronounced ‘Ferr-a-cci’.

I’m glad he didn’t give Ferracci another try.

Our entire conversation, lasting about twenty minutes, consisted of his extremely professional and courteous lines like, “Ok, den. I will need to put on hold you while I check some-ting. Is that OK, Marie?”, or “Tank you for waiting while I check on diss item.” This was too much politeness and small talk for me. Let’s get on with it, please… The music on hold was screeching loud enough to make me put pressure on my temples.

After his long apology for having me on hold,
“I see dat Michelle did cancel the parts order.”

Me: What? Who is Michelle?

“States dat Michelle cancel the order. Is another name on your account?”

Me: Yes, that would be my husband, Michael.

“Sorry. I am not vera good with names. Den Michael cancelled diss order.”

Me: Impossible! We did not cancel this order. We are expecting a delivery, according to Dell… [now I’m really getting hot]

He put me on hold again and for a long time. I’m massaging temples. He came back and apologized profusely for putting me on hold and thanked me for waiting. Before he could finish his repertoire,

Me: Ok, Ok. What’s going on?

“Da parts were ordered as separate from da computer Inspiron 1710 (and then he recited all of the specifications – why???). And dat warranty expire in 2009. Your two udder parts were ordered separate on December 12, 2006 and dat warranty expire in 90 day.”

Me: What???!!! This is ridiculous. We had problems with both parts in January. You must have a record of our case numbers.

“Well, dat is vera good, Maury. But I cannot deal with diss part. I will need to transfer you to other rep but you understand the warranty expire all ready.”

You know? I had enough and wasn’t getting anywhere with this kind fool. So I ended the conversation in a pleasant way. Looking back at that conversation, it’s so funny, and if I weren’t so frustrated, I could have talked to him for a long time, just for the fun of it.

Later that evening, Michael, a.k.a. Michelle, got on the phone and after a one hour conversation with several people, our issue was resolved. I should have my new keyboard and mouse before Friday at 6:00 p.m. when a Dell rep will call to confirm its delivery and help us to properly install the new parts. My guess is that the saga will continue…

I have so much work to do on my blog template and it’ll be wonderful to let my fingers fly around the keyboard without wiping out a post caused by one brush and touch of a finger.

Chipping Sparrow

The winds howled today and I was downright cold. The pollen and wind made my eyes run like open faucets but I was able to see a little surprise that was nearly hidden in the grass. I was shocked at the small size of a Chipping Sparrow. [enlarge photos]
Chipping Sparrow, from behind
Look at the back of this little fast moving, hard working bird.
Chipping Sparrow at work
Taking baby steps and trying not to breathe, I tried to get closer but I knew I was pushing my luck. There were four of them jumping around gathering fine nesting material. Sweet.
Shy Robin
These photos were taken during my mile walk on campus and at the moment I decided to pack it up, I saw a very shy Robin. Very nice back!
Sheep at sunrise
Last photo of the day, taken on my way to work at dawn. I trespassed onto a private driveway to get this photo. If I could have waited five minutes, the sky would have illuminated these adorable sheep.


NatureWoman said...

Argh - don't you hate the run-around with these companies, and then you get people that either English isn't their first language or they can't talk. What waste of time for both you and Michelle, er, Michael.
Beautiful bewd & sheep photos Mary. I love your photos.

entoto said...

I hope it all works for you and Michelle ( giggle, giggle). And thanks for the sheep, I am intrigued with the corner of the sky just lighting up.

Anonymous said...

You are kidding that this is all happening to you like this? April fools right?? Please tell me?? Hope you get it for sure! ugg, way to long for waiting! BTW: Love the chipping sparrow pictures!

KGMom said...

Mary--on your way to work AT DAWN!?
Jeez. How can you be so chipper all day long?
Your telephone conversation is a riot. It is soooo frustrating dealing with customer service.
Have you seen the video about customer service being outsourced? Too funny--

LauraHinNJ said...

I've had similar experiences - it's hard to be too annoyed because they're so darned polite!!

Deep breaths, Mary!

Susan Gets Native said...

You. Crack. Me. The. F***. Up.
I could hardly get through that post, MARIE.

I think I would have rather had talked to someone to whom English was a second language. It sounds like that guy didn't even have English as a first language.

Say hi to Michelle for us, you hear?

Unknown said...

Well, Marie. I hope that you and Michelle are very happy with your new keyboard and mouse. Shame you keep canceling the order though. Weird that!

Your bewds are lovely!

The sheeps' eyes though. Wow. I love that picture!

dmmgmfm said...

I tink I spoke wit Williom lass mont, but den he work for Intuit. He wass juss as neyce dough...

Beth said...

Ha. Very very funny.

Chrissie said...

Sorry :-) Couldn't help laughing. Always funnier when it's happening to someone else:-) I hope your keyboard and mouse are with you as I write! Great pics though!

Jayne said...

OK, I am about to pee my pants laughing Mary. I was reading this aloud to my husband the way you typed his responses to you.... tooooo funny! Glad Michael... err Michelle, was able to get it all resolved finally! Love your chipping sparrows! Have a wonderful day!!!!

dguzman said...

I love that sheep photo! There's an Amish farm down the road from us where those big white sheep with strong black faces live, and I'm always sooooo tempted to trespass just a little bit on their fields and take some pictures of those beautiful sheep! But this is an Amish house, which seems like it would make my trespassing with a camera (probably the "devil's eye" or something to them!?) even worse.

Good luck on the computer mess, Marie. Maybe you can plant some sprouts in your dead keyboard like in that LauraHinNJ post.

Anonymous said...

I hope all goes well this evening and that you have fun getting the new part in place! Great shots and try again for those sheep. okay?

Anonymous said...

Had to come over here since you visited me, and boy am I glad I did! Loved your pictures, especially the chipping sparrows.

I laughed so hard reading this post, and yes, it is always funnier when it happens to someone else. Sounds like you were outsourced big time. . . There is a good reason why my husband deals with those people. I tend to get extremely high blood pressure fairly quickly when exposed to this sort of thing, and it doesn't do the kitchen window any good when I throw the phone through it. . .

Mary said...

Pam, I dread making calls to voice recordings and runaround that goes with it!

Trixie, it will work out and I'll be ready!

Mon@rch, the chipping sparrow is a lifer!

Donna, that video was a riot!!!! Thanks - I needed that. Yes, I am at my desk at 7:15 a.m.

Laura, deep breaths and ADVIL.

Susan, it wasn't funny at all while on the phone with the nice idiot, but I'm laughing now...until the next episode. Stay tuned.

Liza, every time we need customer service it becomes more this country...weird.

Laurie, yep, you know the guy!

Beth, it's funny but won't be if I don't get satisfaction from the idiots.

Chris, the keyboard and mouse will arrive today. Hmmmm. What next?

Jayne, I'm glad you saw the humor in this. I did, after the Advil kicked in.

Delia, I'm lucky that it was early in the AM and the house is hidden by trees at the entrance. I'd been stalking for a while. I would mess with the Amish, either unless you were on a main road.

Sandy, I'll go back for better photos. I see them every morning but it's very dark.

Healingmagichands, I've been ready to through the computer through the window! I can relate with you. Loved those heron shots...

Anonymous said...

Mary, I think you were to talking to Williom's brother, Mujabar.

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have Passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready"

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the Words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready"

The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, And I pink it up, an d say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call Center for computer problems.

No doubt, you have spoken to his brother. I know cause I have too.

Anonymous said...

I am howling at your post and at the same time sending prayers and keeping my fingers crossed that your keyboard and mouse will be there tomorrow!! And after reading your post and Susie's reply ..I need to get the windex and clean off my monitor. Lovely Chipping Sparrow pictures and the sheep are beautiful!
PS..I found a nice new camera today. My Easter present to myself. Thanks Mary!


Mary said...

Susan at GW, thanks for stopping by and the joke was great!

Dorothy, Good for you! A nice Easter Gift, no doubt. Can I guess what it is?

Cathy said...

Lordy! Mary - I'm going to read this one to my husband who literally tears his hair out during these phone conversations. I'm not sure why you don't have a job writing comedy.

You are a fine sparrow stalker. They are adorable.

Did you try to re-work the last picture in photoshop or ACDsee? It's so sweet.