Mary's View on Kicking the Habit

A 72 degree Sunday! This is an old photo of walking weather. That's what we did today. Wonderful.

Tomorrow I will celebrate four weeks of smoke-free living. I feel real good, but when I thought the going was easy there came a twist. Listen up, all you smokers and non-smokers out there.

Someone told me day 21 would be the toughest. Why so? I have no idea, but I remember day 21 and it wasn’t a grand day, by any means. Another person told me getting passed the first month and a half is the key to success. Well, I’ll be dipped. I’m not there yet.

Weeks one, two, and three were smooth sailing. I floated from one day to the next in a euphoric/honeymoon state of mind – just me and my happy, smokeless self. Ah, to breathe deeply and quietly without sounding like an old purring cat, to drag the 500 pound trash receptacle up the driveway with breath to spare at the top, and to laugh hard without coughing was such an immediate, noticeable, and good change. I do believe my skin looks a little brighter and my teeth are a little whiter.

I was not a heavy smoker, so I can’t imagine how difficult it is for multiple packers to quit! However, an addiction is an addiction. Week four has been hellish and I’m still dealing with it. The honeymoon is over. Nicotine gum saves me as I slowly wean myself off the nagging drug ahead of schedule.

So, as I sit here foot-tapping to Cheryl Crow and Eddie Money, I must vent. You may click your back button if you haven't already.

Perhaps I became very tired of being happy with my delighted self, tired of staying occupied with life outside of planning my next cigarette break, and began to let every...little...damned...thing on earth irritate the sh-t out of me. For example:

Those freaking damned ants are crawling around in the bathroom again. They appear out of nowhere.

Someone in authority at work asked me to serve on a college-wide “Smoke-Free” committee. Is that nailing someone who is vulnerable and has more than enough to do already? That was very evil.

A simple photography software update I installed on Friday caused the program to hang up and hiccup. Hence, I wanted to scream. I have no patience for that and wanted to drag on a cigarette so badly. Computers can't run fast enough for me anymore.

Everything and everyone at work brings out my best sarcasm and cynicism. I threw a stack of paper last week and cracked my mouse. I hated that mouse anyway.

Habitual triggers continue to torment me. I still reach into my right pocket for a cigarette and lighter but less often than I did four weeks ago.

Facebook continues to eat away at my spare time and I’m very annoyed about it. How could I forget allegiance to my blog?

During the first three weeks of withdrawal, I lost one pound. It’s not supposed to be that way. My, oh my, how quickly things changed. I gained five pounds in five days last week. You read that right. I’m almost speechless about it and sheepishly admit that eating two breakfasts and two lunches one day had much to do with it. The potato chips and Snickers bar I ate in the privacy of my office every afternoon wasn’t necessary, really. I can list every edible item in my refrigerator and pantry right now. I have loads of baby carrots but prefer salty crackers or Hershey Kisses. Yesterday I almost bit into a chunk of Zick Dough and later, at a restaurant, I was the one still cleaning my plate while the server had cleaned the rest of the table. No take-home box for me!

Today, I am fueling up on unsalted peanuts and water. I will lose those damned five and at least five more pounds between my neck and hips in three short months.

And, dear readers, I will remain smoke-free because I want to.

Life goes on in the back yard and this week, I chewed that nicotine gum double time.

It was irritating to play hide and seek with Tufted Titmouse. (What a goofy name.)

And also with Carolina Wren.

Why won’t Titmice sit for photos like the finches do? Huh?

Female Cardinals play games, too. She teased me unmercifully. After about thirty shots...I smiled.

Another constant tease,

Those nuts looked scrumptious to me. (No I didn't.)

Week five will be better, I think. A short blogging break sounds good. I'll be back when I settle down or lose a few pounds, whichever comes first.