Eyes on Me

Center cropped, otherwise unedited. Cute?

This year has been full of challenges. Mine. And everybody’s watching me.

Almost six months ago, I kicked the smoking habit. Looking back on those first few weeks, it wasn’t extremely difficult or unpleasant but it was and continues to be a daily challenge. Early on, I was smug in knowing I was not gaining weight. Everyone knows about the inevitable weight gain during smoking cessation but I chose to ignore the issue. How could I believe I was exempt? Silly me.

A month later, a brand new four pound innertube inflated around my waist in one week. I fussed and fumed and swore and squeezed that new roll while establishing a love relationship with UTZ Special Dark pretzels and cheddar cheese, Blue Diamond Smokehouse Almonds or the ones with Sea Salt, and anything else I wanted all…day…long. I felt entitled to a Snickers bar every day at 2:30 because, after all, I was power walking and pushed myself hard for the good cardio. Still, I refused to get on the scale and avoided full-length mirrors.

Chloe will be 13 years old this week. She tends to constantly keep me in front of her for fear of losing sight of me. Her hearing loss is something new to deal with…

Late April, on to West Virginia I went with a suitcase full of stretch denim, elastic waist pants, and eight brand-spanking new pounds of fat wrapped around my waist. On a 5’-1” person, it’s very noticeable, especially to me.

In West Virginia I saw cameras so sophisticated that I could only dream of owning one like them. The Flock and everyone else at the festival had a camera within their reach for eighteen hours a day. A bunch of great photographers, they were, snapping away at people, places, and things and no one was off limits. We were celebrities. I would have needed to search for warblers continually, all day, to hide my second chin and chicken neck and I really got tired of sucking it in for so long. So I let it all hang out.

Naturally, these people I admire and also love, posted those photos on their blogs and Facebook for the whole world to see. And, in the late evening hours when the house was quiet, I would peek that those wonderful posts, see my plump self, and wail and writhe and whine, pleading to the computer monitor in a desperate whisper, U-u-u-u-gh. Oh, please. No more pictures? Stop?!

Pictures don’t lie. Sigh...

For me, Bella promises to keep an eye on Chloe and she does.

Is this abnormal behavior? Am I supposed to embrace my age and who I am, and love myself unconditionally? Yes.

Shall I embrace my inner tube? Well, hell no. I think not. I believe I’m entitled to be vain.

Hey, is there anyone out there, male or female, who truly embraces their chicken necks and droopy eyelids? How about female mustaches? I’m taking care of mine, thank you. And the laser hair removal technician and I had a conversation like this,

“My mustache is dark on the outer edges and I’d like it all zapped.”

“Ok, you want help with your upper lip.”

“No, my upper lip is fine. I have a mustache above it. (smiling) It’s a mustache. You can say it.” We laughed.

She still refers to my “upper lip” and I always want to laugh out loud at her professionalism. It’s a damned female mustache! If I can find the funds in the next few years, I might get my eyelids raised and my chicken neck tightened, too.

I also keep my eyes on them.

Back to the fat. Those eight new pounds turned into eleven. A week ago, I surrendered once again and began a strict, low calorie, basically no taste, no comfort-food diet. It’s a healthy diet and I’m serious about it. In three days, I lost 4.6 pounds and I’m delighted! Round two of the “3-day diet” starts tomorrow and I have a long way to go.

All without my old bad habit, foods I crave, and wine, I’m spending terribly long, vice-free days at work and taking walks every day. This is why you will not hear from me often this summer but I know I’ll want to make time to post here occasionally and share my view through the camera’s lens.

Enjoy a safe and lazy summer. Laugh often!

;-)