My Daughter, Gina

A good daughter is like a good piece of writing:

Candid, lyrical, graceful, moving, alive.

I have seen a young girl walk across a room,

intent on her intense errand, and it was like seeing

a voice become visible, as if not her tongue but her

motion said, “I will do this for my life.”

Paul Engle


Seems like yesterday, she blew butterfly kisses to me through the school bus window on her way to her first day of kindergarten.

Letting go.

Senior year of high school. So young…

Always stuck to her Mom like glue, I never imagined during her first seventeen years that I was raising one heck of an independent girl. The first time the realization hit me that she was very ready to fly away was the day she boarded her first solo flight to a university, three states away, to meet the swim coach and spend the weekend with the team. I worked at the high school Gina attended. My palms were sweating the morning she left and I told the guidance counselor, who knew Gina well, how nervous I was and she replied, “Why are you biting your nails, Mary? Gina’s fine. She’s independent. You raised her that way.” I had no idea. Gina had a wonderful time during that trip and came back invigorated. Watching her board Amtrak to New Jersey for another university tour with the team nearly tore my heart out. I felt as though I’d have an out of body experience, lunging for that train with superhuman strength to hold it and her back.

Letting go.


After her high school graduation in 2000, we helped her unpack and settle into her dorm at UNC Wilmington, and in the back of my mind I always thought she’d come back home after graduation. But four years later she graduated and never came back home to live. Even if we were still living in Maryland (her true hometown) by the time she graduated from the university, I don’t think she would have returned home. Loving the beach and the college/resort town of Wilmington, Gina made it her home.

Accepting and letting go.

Having been fashioned from me, all you do –

despite your freedom –

must affect me too.

And so when we’re apart

I will always long for news from you.

Maya V. Patel

Being the sappy and sentimental Mom I am, Gina’s bedroom at our house today looks pretty much the same as it did on the day she left nearly seven years ago. We moved “her stuff” from Maryland to Delaware to North Carolina, and each time we settled in, we set up “her stuff” just the way she liked it. But I uncluttered it a bit…

Her intended major was in Marine Biology and she made that decision on the day she saw the movie “Free Willy” in middle school. Our efforts to change her mind were fruitless, of course. That major became too difficult while swimming in a Division I school, so she graduated with an Environmental degree. Job prospects for her were scarce in Wilmington so she lived near poverty level as a teacher assistant in the county school system for two school years. She traveled some rough roads along the way but she learned the high value of a “few” dollars and took good care of herself. She also knew that Mom and Dad wouldn’t let her starve!

Gina and her boyfriend Billy are living in Charlotte now! We hosted them for two months last summer while they settled in and looked for employment and an apartment. It was a pleasure having them but not during every minute of that time, though! I can’t help it if I cringe at water marks on the kitchen counter, empty drinking glasses, sets of keys and handbags left here and there, piles of laundry, etc. and the list goes on. I know I annoyed the heck out of them, too. But we made it.

During those two months, she interviewed with five companies in uptown Charlotte and received three offers. It was a heaven-sent confidence boost for her. Grace from God. Billy is a second-year electrician apprentice and found work immediately. As a former Marine with time spent in Iraq in the spring of 2003, he knows how to work hard and he’s excellently skilled. His future is very bright.

One of Gina’s most outstanding qualities is that she learns anything as fast as a finger snap, especially in the technical/scientific world (unlike her mother). She’s prospering. Lately, she’s been learning about real estate! After her moving seven times in seven years, I think it’s the right time for her to buy her own house and grow roots. We'll all grow new roots together. Things are looking up!

I’m so proud of her.

The flash reflection from the camera looks like stardust. I like it.

You go, Bean!

(and don't be mad at me for showing pictures)